You are not special. All of us are basically the same. We have the same biology. Our brains are all hardwired pretty much the same way. Inside each of us is a primal fear of being alone. We are scared that when things get bad we will be by ourselves, without any help, and at the mercy of some ferocious beast. This fear, if not understood and controlled, influences all of our actions.
Our Lizard Brains
This fear of being alone has been with our species since the first time our ancestors emerged from the primordial ooze and began walking on land. We may have evolved the ability to talk, master fire, and take selfies, but we all still have the lizard part of our brains that has our more primal instincts.
Most of our fears come from our lizard brain. It is why we are afraid of change. It is why we want to be liked. It all comes from our fear of being left alone to die. It comes from our lizard brain trying to preserve our DNA long enough to reproduce before we are devoured by some giant bloodthirsty predator.
How Fear of Being Alone is Manifested
The fear of being alone can be seen in almost every aspect of our civilization. The fear of being alone is the reason why we seek out friends. The cliques at school and work aren’t all that different from the tribes we all were part of just a few thousand years ago.
Fear of being alone is why so many of us want to be praised for our work. We need the validation of the tribe to feel secure. We don’t want them to abandon us. The reason we work soul-crushing 12-hour days at jobs that don’t pay enough is because we are afraid of what everyone would think if we went rogue. We don’t want to be by ourselves.
Even when we are by ourselves most of use try to pretend we are not alone by filling up our time with TV and social media. If you are not aware of this primal fear it will control every decision you make.
How to Conquer Your Fear
Just because this fear is hardwired doesn’t mean we are destined to be eternally miserable. We have evolved another even more powerful part of our brain over the eons. We have the power of reason. Our fear-based lizard brain may run automatically in the background, but with our reason we can choose to ignore it. Conquering your fear of being alone doesn’t mean you cut that part of your brain out or somehow shut it off. Conquering your fear means you learn to ignore the lizard brain. It means you create a newer, louder, set of instructions.
You can program yourself to take risks. You can decide to start a business, leave your horrible job, or do whatever you want. You just have to learn to ignore the lizard brain. It gets easier the more you practice.
You have to decide would you rather die miserable in the company of others or die alone and free? Only you have the power to decide.